Hats I Want But Won’t Ever Wear
The Caboo Hat at Karmaloop for $7.95
The Caboo Hood in Copper at Karmaloop for $7.95
Retro Op Shop Like a Modern Hipster
I’m a sickly child and have spent an annoying amount of time at the hospital recently. Most of the time they poke me, prod me, feel me up and then tell me to go home and wait for a call – much like a bad date really. In one of my “Don’t eat or drink ANYTHING” ‘lunch breaks’ I wandered up the road and ended up in an op shop.
I know op shops aren’t anything new or particularly clever. I’m certainly aware that any hipster worth their stretched denim and stretch piercings have been trawling all the op shops forever and no doubt finding the real gems before I even bothered to whisper “I’m a little scared of needles”. It doesn’t make it any less fun for ME, and that’s who matters right now, ME, because I’m a little sick and because I’m the master of this blog. Scratch master, try overlord. BREWWWWHAHAHAHAHA!
I haven’t been charity shopping in AGES! I used to go a lot when I was a dirty, dread locked hippy, but when I had kids the appeal and availability of time to wander around finding stinky pre-loved secrets disappeared. On the rare occasions I have tip toed into a charity shop, baby flung under my arm, I have left quickly and with nothing new (to me) to call my own. This time however I found two vintage inspired items that I think were great successes!
The first thing I found was this super cute $7 halter neck top EXPLODING with polka dots. What’s better than polka dots? Sheer mini polka dots with maxi polka dot lining! O man that would look terrible on TV so it’s a good thing I’m not famous outside of my Facebook page. The other thing I love about this top is that the halter neck can be tied at the back as most people do, or at the front like a faux bow tie. Adaptable and cute. Ding ding ding!
As I was paying I saw under the glass counter there were rows and rows of chunky ‘gold’ earrings that reminded me of my Nanna. My Nanna was the most immaculate woman I have ever had the fortune to know, she won best dressed at a Melbourne Cup well into her 80s, so in that moment I knew I had to own a pair. The $6 silver and gold linked loop earrings I ended up getting surprised me by being clip ons – which were what my Nanna always wore. Pure sentimental style perfection. I put them on straight away and I swear as I stepped out of the shop someone walked past wearing the exact same perfume Nanna used to wear.
Paired with my Molini wedges and a pair of high waisted black trousers and I would be queen of the retro castle. Are you my dirty rascal?
Jewellery with Attitude Courtesy of The Coquette
I love my accessories, I love being juvenile and apparently I love to swear – or so says that little s**t of a daughter of mine. “See! You DO like to swear when driving Mummy!’ Blah blah blah. Whatever dude, act like I’m a bad mother, try me, you won’t eat for days then. Ha showed her! Anyway, before I got distracted by my spawn I was going to tell you about an awesome website called The Coquette where you can buy rude and juvenile bling!
Anyone for some honey cunt earrings? Lasercut and handmade in Los Angeles you can buy them for $60.
Or if you like to keep it simple how about a straight up CUNT necklace for your neck? Again setting you back $60.
So as you can see these items are wondrous, whimsical and unwavering with dedication to bad taste. Possibly not the best choice for a visit to see Gran, unless she’s losing her eyesight in which case a most excellent decision! Probably best worn at young people parties, clubs, s&m clubs and church. YES Church! That would be so perfect! Paired with a demure dress and ballet flats, throw on your cunt necklace and beg forgiveness for your church going peers’ judgmental thoughts. Judge not those who live in glass houses or slay all first born sons, or something.
Or how about buying a FUCK ring, a YEAH ring, stacking them on your finger and having a FUCK YEAH finger? I say fuck yeaaaaaa!!! At $45 each that ensemble would cost you $90. Yup, I just didded some Maths.
Instead of the personalised name necklaces that everyone has now how about a fuck necklace? Whether it’s their real name, DJ name or twitter handle every second chick has a name necklace these days – myself included – so a fuck necklace is definitely a nice change and a big nod to self irony. Again handmade in L.A and selling at $60 each.
It got me thinking of other delightful customised ‘name necklaces’ you could get made. Here are my suggestions: Bitch, Demanding, Cranky, Menstruating, Name, Hungry, Transgender, Taken (or single depending on how much attention you want) or Antisocial. I’m thinking of getting myself a Transgender one. That would be hilarious. For me anyway.
As Mick Jagger once said “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap”. Amen.
Cat’s Eye Sunglasses – Karmaloop
How good can Sunday be when you’re sipping on a pear Rekorderlig cider and your friend messages you “Karmaloop delivery is here. Come get”. Yes! My studded cat’s eye sunnies are in the country, only a few suburbs away!
Almost immediately I was at her door, breaking multiple road rules and sanity boundaries to land on her couch within miliseconds. I have always appreciated and admired cat’s eye glasses but am just not cool or stylish enough to pull them off. No really. I know it’s hard to believe but I just don’t have enough of ‘it’ to make cat’s eyes look cool rather than awkward and pathetic. My hair cut isn’t cool enough. My style isn’t retro or pin up enough. My face shape isn’t right. I seethe inwardly when I see a hipster chick saunter past in her awesome cat’s eyes. You bitch. You stole my portion of cool and now I’m stuck with normal naughties style spectacles.
These sunglasses from Karmaloop were like entry level cat’s eyes, AND they have studs, AND they were only $14 USD. I sheepishly ordered them through my friend (with a discount and free postage code) and felt good about my life choices. Well most of them… Not talking about that one night at the Townhall Hotel or the ex who looked like Gollum’s twin. Never. Ever. Ok maybe if you buy me a drink I’ll tell you about them, but we’re not going to the Townie!
You can see why they are sexy in picture, but I shall enlighten you on the features that make me thrust my pelvis in joy over these sunnies:
- Soft cat’s eye shape
- Dark lenses so they actually do shade (and hide) my eyes
- Stud detailing. I love studs. If you didn’t know, now you know
- Works with my face shape
- Good quality/strong
- Cheap, cheap, cheap
- High level of awesomeness
Now for my post purchase selfie. You. Are. Welcome!
eyeware, fashion, Gadgets, home, shoes, Toys
10 Things I Love About London – Guest Post by Samuel
Matt black alarm clock An awesome classic. It has a great look but it doesn’t make up for the hours I spend trying to drown out the sounds it makes. Got it from Habitat, which would be the European version of Freedom Furniture.
Purple dog From Next. There was two in the shop when I found it, but I think it makes a better statement as an individual. It has a velvety kind of feel when you pat it. Which I do. It was labelled as a second when I bought it- but I think the dints and dents add to it’s quirk.
Method Bloq. How’s this for a good looking face balm? I am becomeing a bit of a Method addict- you can’t get it back home in Australia. Looks awesome but I never use it- it has the smell of quote, lemon tree leaves.
Gucci Guilty - Not normally one for colognes – I was given this one and I think it smells wicked! I have just run out of myHilfiger Loud, so I am about to start the Gucci one.
Katy B’s On A Mission CD. I enjoy nothing more old school than being stoned in a record shop! I picked this up when they were playing it in HMV. It has a surprisingly garage/euro house sound to it so I had to have one.
Lego money box – Not only did I need a place for all the British shrappers you end up with – it’s a giant Lego brick! Doubles as a souveneir- I bought it on my day at Legoland Windsor for 15 pounds.
Sony Studio headphones - The long leads are OK sometimes, but the metre length can sometimes gets in the way; entagled or snagged on any number of obsticles. Good sound though and not too loud. These are from the Sony store – I tossed up between white and black but stuck to the classic.
Onitsuka Tiger metalic trainers An Amazon.co.uk purchase, 25 pounds. There’s an interesting amount of vocal fans they get when I wear them, even though it has lead to paranoia when walking through dodgey suburbs in London.
Oakley Gascan sunnies - I never part from these, enough said.
Stone collection I have picked up rocks from everywhere I have travelled this year- Spain, Turkey, Greece… I stencil them with the name of the beach on which I found them.
Thanks for reading!
Pretzel Necklaces on Etsy
So in a Sex in the City (TV series not the awful movies) commercial the other night Sarah-Jessica-Parker/Carrie/Horse-face was wearing a chunky, gold, pretzel necklace. YES! PRETZEL! Tasty, crunchy, salty snacks that might make you thirsty. I decided in that moment that it was one of the coolest things that series (and subsequent awful movies) ever did.
So I decided I would post the best Pretzel necklaces on Etsy right now. You’d be surprised with how spoilt of choice you actually are in this genre. I’m guessing part of the pretzel jewellery swell has to do with Nicki Minaj sporting a bright pink one in a video clip recently. Or maybe it’s just because they are awesome?! Whose to know? Wikipedia didn’t even have a response for “Did Nicki Minaj make Pretzel necklaces famous?” Lame. I bet Siri knows.
Vintage Gold Disco Pretzel Necklace by AmeliasVintageCloset $15 USD
Pretzel Necklace Handmade Polymer Clay by sillychic $18 USD
Fushia Heart Shaped Pretzel Necklace by ARTISTICDESIRE $10 USD
A Pretzel Necklace in Brass by EmilinaBallerina $12 USD
Fun fact that is kinda sorta relevant: Sarah Jessica Parker’s Dad is Jewish and Mathew Broderick’s Mum is too! Wow wow wee waa!
Shoes @ Karmaloop
Here are some shoes from Karmaloop that make me say “I want to be inside of you”.
The Lexi boot in black $53.95
The Kylie Shoe in purple $34
The Roza Shoe in Ruby Red $225
The Vertige Sneaker in Black Nappa Wax $200
The karmaloop model below is impressed. I can tell by how erect his beard is.
Sticky Gel Mat
Today I met my first sticky gel mat and it blew my mind! The girl at work next to me casually stuck her phone to the wall and that was when I had to casually scream “WHAT IS THAT?!” while launching out of my chair in her general direction. Stuck on the wall was this gel pad that she could stick her phone to with total nonchalant ease . I preceeded to put a coin, a bottle top and a pen alongside the phone in glee as it seemed the only thing to do in these kind of situations. My colleague told me she originally got it for “rock n rolling in the car” but instead thought it was good for work. She was right. It is great for work. Would be excellent for car time. Hell it would be fabulous all around the house. I want to cover all my walls at home with them, stick the kids a few metres off the ground and go out for the night. “Mummy will be right back babies. Don’t worry, I stuck some snacks to the pad just above your head.”
Perhaps this doesn’t whistle your wet and you think I am insane, but I must remind you that I’m Asian. Asians love stationary. Don’t even try to deny my people the right to love overly cute things for our desks and Hello Kitty pencil cases. Ever since I was a kid my mother would give me a new pen with as much fan fair as other mothers were giving their girls dolls and dresses. We would turn a pen over and over in our hands and discuss it’s benefits. Did it smell nice? Did it have a secret compartment? OOOOOooo how many colours does it have? In fact the first time I ever stole anything (and let’s say it was the only time) I was in Hong Kong and pocketed these super cute cork board pins. Mum kicked my ass over it later when she found out, ethnic style, but she also pointed out they were indeed the most colourful pins the store had stocked.
So with that passionate stationary respect I feel totally justified that when I came home today the first thing I did was jump online to see where I could buy some sticky mats. Dinner for the kids could wait! I was told you can get them at Officeworks for around $5 but the search function of the Officeworks website kept making me want to kill the internet. After googling some more I found out that apparently Bing Lee now stock Sticky Pad’s. Of course, of course, of course you can find them for around $2 with free shipping on ebay. I can’t wait!!!!!
NB. Like any Westernised Asian I actually really don’t like Hello Kitty. We know it’s all about Doraemon. Pft.
Children’s Books
I’m a terrible woman. I hate cooking, sewing and reading stories to my kids at night. Someone probably needs to take away my vagina license. So this is a post about the kids books that I think are cool. Simple as that. Three children’s books that make bed time a little less heinous.
1. The Brick Testament – The Ten Commandments.
This book was gifted to my spawn many moons ago by a lady whose title at the time was ‘Mother in Law’. Unlike me she was a very religious lady and thought her grandchildren’s souls needed nourishing. At the time I smiled but inside I resented Jesus being brought into my bedtime routine, even if it was in Brick (imitation Lego) form. Seems that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover afterall (who knew?!) because it has become one of my favourite books. Full of drama, murder, betrayal and graphic violence it’s an epic tale only beaten by Lord of the Rings thus far in striking confusion and fear into my baby’s big brown eyes.
2. The Little Mole Who Knew it was None of His Business
The Little Mole who Knew it was None of His Business is a strange book about a mole who gets pooped on his head and in a rage wanders around confronting other animals. He compares the turd on his head to the turd that each animal drops infront of him trying to solve the poop mystery. I won’t spoil the ending but revenge and faeces are involved. Delicious!
So from a woman who hates to read bedtime stories the best way to end this post is to finish up with the best kids book ever – Go the Fuck to Sleep. And because I am as lazy tonight as I am every evening at around 8.30pm I’m not going to bother googling some pics. I leave it up to Samuel L. Jackson to narrate it for you. No one says ‘fuck’ quite like him anyway. Click the fucking link. Just fucking do it. Or not. I’m going to sleep. Buenos nachos te amo!
I Want to be a Mermaid
I love the ocean. When I haven’t been in the sea for extended periods I actually start to feel depressed and grumpy. It’s the only place I feel at peace. Ever since I was eight I have wished I could be a mermaid a be able to live in the ocean. A mermaid – but with proper lady parts that tuck away so, you know, I could have mersex. So when I saw these flippers in the shape of mermaid tails the tide of my heart was high.
With these mono-fins being made from recycled rubber and apparently the first eco-friendly swim fins I can finally start to fulfill one of my fantasies I never saw happening. Bondi beach is about to have a mermaid on it’s hands, a particularly beautiful one if I don’t say so my self. Perfect way for me to spend this Summer! *Splash splash*
So if you want to join in my mermaid/merman revolution go to the Oceanika Merfins website and grab some. They come in various sizes and start at $115. You could buy one for each member of your family and start a school of merpeoples. You will look awesome. Just don’t forget that, like, I wanted to be a mermaid before everyone else did.
- Hats I Want But Won’t Ever Wear
- Retro Op Shop Like a Modern Hipster
- Jewellery with Attitude Courtesy of The Coquette
- Cat’s Eye Sunglasses – Karmaloop
- 10 Things I Love About London – Guest Post by Samuel
- Pretzel Necklaces on Etsy
- Shoes @ Karmaloop
- Sticky Gel Mat
- Children’s Books
- I Want to be a Mermaid
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Trashburger: Must be because of my thousands of readers :p...
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eeeessss: Officework website - all stickypads Out Of Stock ...
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Kara: They're super cute! Kinda think I want a pair......
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